Tag Archives: videos

Sunday Afternoon: I Gets Deep

I’m late to the party on eLZhi — thankfully, the good folks at Passion of the Weiss have allowed me to redeem my late pass for points and prizes like The Leftovers UnMixedtape. From where I’m sitting, the tape’s grand prize is the Black Milk-produced “Deep,” a slick boom-bap bombshell with a beat that science has determined makes you drive faster, and slick lyrics to match. It’s a pretty dope pre-Christmas present for hip-hop heads, and a nice track to have racing through your head as you head into the late games. Enjoy, ballers.

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Au revoir, childhood love of Lenny Dykstra

EDITOR’S NOTE: As I’ve been exhuming this blog over the past couple of days, I’ve found that I had a couple handfuls of draft posts saved up.  Some of them never went live for totally understandable reasons — they needed a Photoshop job that I never got to, a joke needed tweaking, etc. — and this was one of them.  Had the video, but never wrote what I wanted to.  So, here it is, hopefully as awkward and fun as I’d initially hoped. – DD


Seems like a pretty chill video of Roger McDowell and Lenny Dykstra having a woefully uncomfortable interview with Martha Quinn on MTV before the Mets went to the World Series in 1986.

Seems that way. Except for when Martha Quinn asks them what kind of band they’d like to be in, Lenny Dykstra says, “If I was in a band, I’d like to be in a band like Huey Lewis.”

Which is a sick bummer when you grew up worshipping Lenny Dykstra.  When you taught yourself how to hit lefty even though you were right-handed just because that’s how Nails hit. When you made your mom get “DYKSTRA 4” iron-ons for the back of your replica Mets “jersey” (which, back in the late ’80s, was basically a nylon T-shirt).

When you started to develop a soft spot for Duran Duran just because they were the dudes who sang “Wild Boys,” which was the song that played during the landmark montage sequence of Nails/Wally Backman hustle plays that totally tied together the 1986 Mets: A Year to Remember commemorative video — a soft spot that would later grow even softer when an 11- or 12-year-old you liked “Ordinary World” a little too much and started to wonder if that made you gay.

OK, let’s get back on track. Here’s that “Wild Boys” montage:

Seems like a hard-rocking WildBro wouldn’t want to be caught dead being “hip to be square.” But then, I guess I’m not the first person Lenny Dykstra has totally bummed out recently.

Still, though, it’s pretty sad. Feel like I need something to pick me up and boost my spirits.  Um … don’t mind me.  Just gonna go watch some football and make love to a woman.  BRB.

OFF-TOPIC: The magnetic appeal of Colin Quinn bombing

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I haven’t felt all that interested in sports of late. Sure, there are a million reasons to love the NBA playoffs, there’s all sorts of anger-gold to be mined in rooting for a baseball team with a $147 million payroll that now has Alex Cora batting leadoff, it’s nice and schadenfreude-y to watch Brad Lidge’s inevitable crash-and-burn after a golden summer in the sun, etc. But nothing in the sports landscape has really grabbed my attention by its attention-throat and throttled it into idle weekend-afternoon submission.

In times like these, I eschew spending time with cherished family and dear friends in favor of watching video clips online.

The video above has nothing to do with sports, but it does have something to do with jokes — specifically, when jokes go awry, and how splendid an experience that can be. I think Colin Quinn is a fantastic stand-up comic and comedy writer; I am well aware that many people do not share that opinion, but we’ll just have to agree to disagree. That’s at least partially why these videos (which must be at least 13-15 years old) of Quinn flaming out on Comedy Central’s The A List are so fantastic — he is eminently aware of not only that he is bombing, but also how badly he is bombing, why it’s happening and that every grasping attempt to right the ship will be futile. What grows out of that self-awareness is a sort of director’s commentary on a set in shambles, one that I hope those of you who like jokes might find compelling.

Big LBJ Freestyle Visual Rap Song ’09, Part 1

What do you do when you’re LeBron James, master of all you survey, and you’ve got eight days off between the end of your Cavs squad’s four-game whitewashing of the Atlanta Hawks and the start of your Eastern Conference Finals matchup with Turkish Basketball Jones anchor Hedo Turkoglu‘s Orlando Magic?

You find creative ways to fill the time, that’s what.  Like stepping into a West Akron booth and cutting your own updated version of the late Big L’s “’98 Freestyle.”  The original features nowhere-near-suitable-for-work language and is utterly, utterly awesome.  Please to be listening:

Only one problem: Friggin’ recording engineers lost the masters of the session.  Luckily, a pair of reliable this is the city line. tipsters present for the proceedings — let’s call them “Molante,” for the sake of identity protection — scribbled down the King’s lyrics.  (Their stenography was impressive, capturing James’ undeniable passion and intriguing penchant for self-censoring, as well as his often questionable spelling.)

In the interest of taking you inside the mind of one of the most compelling athletes of these or any times, we’ve taken the liberty of producing a visual representation of the lines that LeBron spit.  We now share the first batch of images with you; the remaining verses are still in artist’s rendering, and will be made available as soon as possible.  For now, though, we hope you enjoy this THIS IS THE CITY LINE. EXCLUSIVE presentation.

kinda-tired

bout-ta

lebron-yo

lebron-eff-glam

lebron-new-york

lebron-torcher

lebron-scarv

lebron-savv

lebron-king

lebron-fart

lebron-mo

lebron-tim-pause

Sounds to me like LeBron’s ready for Game 1 tonight.

Turk Wendell’s got that taste you want at that price you need

turk-bear

FRESH OFF THE NEWSWIRE:

Still smarting from his epic THING FIGHT loss to the Arrested Development song “Mr. Wendal,” eccentric ex-big leaguer Turk Wendell has launched a media blitz designed to energize his devoted base of minor league baseball fans, hunters, honey aficionados, Tony Siragusa and crazy people.  (Though I suppose the Goose fits into all of the last three categories.)

The lovable-yet-somewhat-troubling scamp has secured (… like, two years ago, shh, nevermind the datedness, the joke still works, OK, thanks, Mother Brain) a gig as the spokesman for the National Honey Board‘s involvement with Minor League Baseball.  Which, I have to image, produces the most fun meetings ever — mad squeezable bears on conference tables; Bull Durham on a constant loop on the boardroom flatscreens; Bill Veeck forever scouring the newspaper for sociopolitical happenings that he can spin into cah-raaaazy promotional ideas, like a Weekend Update pitch meeting with mini-bats; etc.

But surely you’re not here for my jokery.  You’re here to watch Turk Wendell sell honey using only his mindbending charisma and senses-shattering production values.  Well, let’s get to it, ese.  Please do me the service of sounding off on which video you find creepiest in the comments or via the e-.  (Personally, I’m putting all my money on “The Ventriloquist.”)

Analysis-Free Postings RE: the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, Vol. 1

Butler forward Matt Howard, the Horizon League Player of the Year

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Wes, the big gawky kid from Rebound that Martin Lawrence tells to get mean.

rebound

At the 1:08 mark of this exclusive video, you can see Butler Coach Whateverhisnameis telling Howard to get mean in preparation for the Bulldogs’ first-round matchup against LSU:

Thanks, Internet, college and Martin Lawrence!  Check back throughout the tourney for more stupid, thoughtless missives!

Corpsenel Sanders would have been the most dominant Mutant League Basketball player ever

Pity the game was never released.  I totally would have seen your Bones Jackson/Justice and raised you a skeletal slasher that can defend multiple positions and stroke it from 20.  Plus, he’d poison you with tainted chicken.  Also, Anthony Randolph wishes he had that burly a physique.

Also, in the event you haven’t caught the first Mel Gibson-related thing I’ve liked in a long time, here’s a relevant bit from Jimmy Kimmel Live:

Much obliged, FoodProof.