Tag Archives: long live the internet

Au revoir, childhood love of Lenny Dykstra

EDITOR’S NOTE: As I’ve been exhuming this blog over the past couple of days, I’ve found that I had a couple handfuls of draft posts saved up.  Some of them never went live for totally understandable reasons — they needed a Photoshop job that I never got to, a joke needed tweaking, etc. — and this was one of them.  Had the video, but never wrote what I wanted to.  So, here it is, hopefully as awkward and fun as I’d initially hoped. – DD


Seems like a pretty chill video of Roger McDowell and Lenny Dykstra having a woefully uncomfortable interview with Martha Quinn on MTV before the Mets went to the World Series in 1986.

Seems that way. Except for when Martha Quinn asks them what kind of band they’d like to be in, Lenny Dykstra says, “If I was in a band, I’d like to be in a band like Huey Lewis.”

Which is a sick bummer when you grew up worshipping Lenny Dykstra.  When you taught yourself how to hit lefty even though you were right-handed just because that’s how Nails hit. When you made your mom get “DYKSTRA 4” iron-ons for the back of your replica Mets “jersey” (which, back in the late ’80s, was basically a nylon T-shirt).

When you started to develop a soft spot for Duran Duran just because they were the dudes who sang “Wild Boys,” which was the song that played during the landmark montage sequence of Nails/Wally Backman hustle plays that totally tied together the 1986 Mets: A Year to Remember commemorative video — a soft spot that would later grow even softer when an 11- or 12-year-old you liked “Ordinary World” a little too much and started to wonder if that made you gay.

OK, let’s get back on track. Here’s that “Wild Boys” montage:

Seems like a hard-rocking WildBro wouldn’t want to be caught dead being “hip to be square.” But then, I guess I’m not the first person Lenny Dykstra has totally bummed out recently.

Still, though, it’s pretty sad. Feel like I need something to pick me up and boost my spirits.  Um … don’t mind me.  Just gonna go watch some football and make love to a woman.  BRB.

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I can prove I’m a sports blogging success in two e-mails

success

That’s right, Internet pals. This afternoon, both the great Unsilent Majority and the bustacular Tony Mandarich elected to follow me on Twitter. ADVANTAGE: DEVINE.

Follow Maj here. Follow Mandarich here. And, of course, follow me here.

Oh, hi there.

That’s not strictly true, but for the past two and a half weeks or so, it might as well have been.  Heavy deadlines at work spirited me away from everyone’s favorite municipality for a bit. Then, after having been gone, having immersed myself in Y: The Last Man (which is effing amazing) and having felt somewhat separated from what was going on in sports, I had a minor crisis-of-interest — do I really love this stuff enough to write with the kind of passion that could lead to jokes that people might enjoy? (Assuming, of course, that I was doing that to begin with.)

Thanks to a great day of Twitter conversations with (somewhat) like-minded individuals during the Sunday slate of playoff hoops — which you could have followed by checking out my Twitter feed here — I feel pretty confident that the answer’s yes.  You people are just too much fun; with what other group of absurd sporting life-lovers could #JVGisHipHop have happened?

I’m still not 100 percent sure what I want this place to be, but I know I want it to be something. So let’s make like Lowe’s and try to build something together, with jokes as our 2x4s, Hacksaw Jim Duggan as our foreman and Mark Eaton soliloquies as our grout. And you can never have too much grout.  Thanks, as always, for visiting my little collection of ephemera.

Turk Wendell’s got that taste you want at that price you need

turk-bear

FRESH OFF THE NEWSWIRE:

Still smarting from his epic THING FIGHT loss to the Arrested Development song “Mr. Wendal,” eccentric ex-big leaguer Turk Wendell has launched a media blitz designed to energize his devoted base of minor league baseball fans, hunters, honey aficionados, Tony Siragusa and crazy people.  (Though I suppose the Goose fits into all of the last three categories.)

The lovable-yet-somewhat-troubling scamp has secured (… like, two years ago, shh, nevermind the datedness, the joke still works, OK, thanks, Mother Brain) a gig as the spokesman for the National Honey Board‘s involvement with Minor League Baseball.  Which, I have to image, produces the most fun meetings ever — mad squeezable bears on conference tables; Bull Durham on a constant loop on the boardroom flatscreens; Bill Veeck forever scouring the newspaper for sociopolitical happenings that he can spin into cah-raaaazy promotional ideas, like a Weekend Update pitch meeting with mini-bats; etc.

But surely you’re not here for my jokery.  You’re here to watch Turk Wendell sell honey using only his mindbending charisma and senses-shattering production values.  Well, let’s get to it, ese.  Please do me the service of sounding off on which video you find creepiest in the comments or via the e-.  (Personally, I’m putting all my money on “The Ventriloquist.”)

THIS IS THE CITY LINE. EXCLUSIVE: A first look at “Meme-met” Okur

If you’re reading this blog, chances are you know a lot about Utah Jazz center/forward Mehmet Okur. Like, for example, that this is him:

Or that he has (at least statistically) had a pretty solid season, averaging more than 17 points and 8 rebounds in about 34 minutes per game this season, posting a very nice PER (18.23) that puts him just outside of the top-50 in the league as of Interweb press time.  Or that he and fellow NBA kindofstar Hedo Turkoglu both hail from Turkey, where they have risen to prominence hosting a hyperlocal Turkish version of The Basketball Jones, a popular Internet sports program.

mehmet-jones

What you might not know about Mr. Okur is that he loves Internet memes, often confusing teammates like Andrei Kirilenko by discussing lulz-generating memes with which they are not familiar.  He has also recently signed up for a user account at Encyclopedia Dramatica under the username “LiveOrMemoWrecks,” though it appears he has not yet begun contributing to the satiric Wiki-based community.  He’s even taken to personally participating in a number of memes, which one has to assume that Jazz head coach Jerry Sloan will not find amusing.

Thanks to the particular brand of investigative journalism you can find only at a Web site categorized on WeFollow under the hashtags “#sports,” “#sportsblogs” and “#comedy,” this is the city line. has unearthed several of Mr. Okur’s meme contributions.  As always, the door remains open to future discovery — if you, or anyone you know, come across what you believe to be an Okur-generated meme, titcl. staff asks that you please e-mail us so that we may add your findings to our ever-growing collection.

An important note: This site doesn’t purport to be especially adept in meme analytics — we tend to leave such critical dissection to experts like goathair and Carles.  That said, we would respectfully submit that these entries have limited stickiness, and that in their production, Mr. Okur has evinced no real talent for crafting higher-level memes.  We will, however, let you be the judge of that.  Without further ado:

mehmet-invalid

mehmet-watching-you-poop

fuck-yeah-mehmet

mehmet-jizz

Jazz Camp Basketball

EDITOR’S NOTE: While there has been no photo-editing of this digital image in accordance with any specific meme, titcl. staffers believe Okur may have submitted the photo to the Tumblr site White NBA Players Who Look Like Abusive Husbands, which is rumored to be in negotiations for a book deal.

mehmet-trey

mehmet-win

Chinese ad campaign confirms that Shaq truly IS the Emperor of Big Men

The text of this amazing ad for Chinese sportswear company Li Ning, via Ads of the World, apparently says “Emperor in Cavaliers, Fight Fearlessly.”  Which kind of makes sense, given the horses and swords and whatnot.  But at first it seemed kind of weird, because it sounded like the ad wizards at Leo Burnett in Shanghai were talking about LeBron.  In which case, we would have respectfully asked them to stop biting off Free Darko.  In this case, however, we thank them for proving The Hype Guy right.

Bonus image of the Diesel taking on the demon spawn of Lou Williams and Thaddeus Young (“Crazy 76ers, Fight Fearlessly”):

That’s just dynamite.

Analysis-Free Postings RE: the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, Vol. 2

University of California freshman Jorge Gutierrez has a dangerous mind.

(Hardy Wilson / San Francisco Chronicle photo; Edited by this is the city line. staff)

(Hardy Wilson / San Francisco Chronicle photo; Edited by this is the city line. staff)

Below, a photo of Gutierrez working on his hand-to-hand combat skills to ensure his ability to walk down the street:

mebetreatedlikeapunkyouknowthatsunheardof

Thanks, Internet, college and 1995!  Check back throughout the tourney for more stupid, thoughtless missives!