Athlete Christmas Lists: Tyson Chandler

Hey, Santa Brah! So stoked that you’re all, like, “giving people presents” and crap, dude. If there’s one thing that Tyson “Halfpipe” Chandler suuuper digs, it’s presents and Christmas, y’know?

Well, I guess that’s two things. And also, I totally dig halfpipes more than either presents or Christmas. But I guess fat old dudes don’t always “get” the siren song of SkateStyle and SkateLife — or, at least, not in the same way that 7’1″ CaliBeardBros get it.

See, Boom, like, kinda gets it? On account of being a CaliBeardBro? But not fully, because he’s lil’ler than 7’1″.

But you prolly knew that already, on account of being all-seeing and all-knowing, like a totally chill fat God. DUDE YOU’RE LIKE A WHITE BUDDHA! But not like that Keanu Reeves Lil’ Buddha? Because you’re mad old. You’re, like, Oldie Hawn.

I mean, no offense or nothing. You seem like a good dude. Matter of fact, you know what, brah? You want to skate my halfpipe with me? Or smoke my fullpipe with me? Or go to Ampipe with me? Or wield a leadpipe with me?

Whoa, Santa. Pretty lame that you don’t want to go halfsies on a pipe fight. Whatever, bro. Guess I’ll just “give you my wish list.” Pffffffffffffffff.

  1. I mean, I could prolly use some Sector 9’s. Keep my board’s bearings tyte.
  2. I “wish” you would’ve wielded some leadpipes with me, but you had to be all Father Bitchmas. Sucks, dude.
  3. Maybe, like, a $2,000 donation in my name to the Northern California Downhill Skateboarding Association? Those guys just really have the right idea, y’know? Clip the strings, move for yourself an’ just SKATE, Santa Claus. For once? Totally.
  4. Hangover on DVD.
  5. Maybe, like, a plane ticket to NOLA? Just kinda miss some of my bros.  Well, this one bro, especially. Never “got” SkateLife, but he was pretty dope at FriendshipOllies.

Señor later,


One response to “Athlete Christmas Lists: Tyson Chandler

  1. As Artie, the Strongest Man in the World, might say – this list is Pipe

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