“4:14 – Yet another Sonic commercial. You’re wasting your money Sonic. I don’t know where the closest Sonic is but I assume it’s at least a six hour drive away.”
Since I’ve discussed the preponderance-of-Sonic-commercials-versus-relative-lack-of-Sonic-restaurants conundrum with such Internet luminaries as the jerk who uses Seattle-era Patrick Ewing photos that put my sadger on 100, thousand, trillion in his excellent “Morning Bell” posts at Hardwood Paroxysm and the guy who has had serious discussions about hosting an episode of the Weekly Fix podcast about Bloodsport on which I am all but guaranteed an appearance, I decided to head over to the apparently hilarious drive-in chain’s Web site and find out how far a trip it would be for me if I was to SUPER CRAVE their particular brand of side-splitting tater tots. The results:
So the closest Sonic to me is 238+ miles away. Let’s assume I’m driving at a safe velocity, but a little above the speed limit — 95 MPH. By my math, that puts the round trip at about 5.05263 hours. Not too bad, provided I purchase $210 worth of products to last me the full way home and still have an ass-load left when I get back.
What’s amazing is that, with all due respect to Mr. Doyle, I don’t think Sonic has wasted their money — at least, not if I’m sort of the standard consumer (which I sort of am). Because I’m pissed that there’s no close-by Sonic. I want there to be a Sonic nearby REALLY bad. I’d love to eat some. I’d be all like, “NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.”
So it sounds like money well spent.
Thanks, Internet, college and fast-food-2K7-related-updates-of-olde-tymey-restaurant-memes! Check back throughout the tourney for more stupid, thoughtless missives!