All now please bow before Julian Hass’ compendium of basketball legends

Thanks, random German guy Julian Hass, for being awesome.  I found your Web site this morning, and I love it for the following reasons:

  • Your name apparently translates to English as Julian Hate.  This makes me think that you kind of think we are all stars now in the dope show.

  • Your Web site reminds me of the time in freshman year of high school that I decided to create Geocities pages containing biographical information for characters that I made up and entered into e-mail wrestling federations, and probably to talk about how much I loved Dawson’s Creek.  (Thanks, Devine, for NOT being awesome.  Man, do I hope I deleted that stuff well enough.)
  • Your link sidebar is inexplicably and joyously poker-themed.
  • Through the magic of Babelfish, I now know that you have a “members only” section (Mitglieder), which I can only imagine is amazing, and that it is under construction, which I can only imagine will make it more amazing.  Also, it uses the kick-ass “sawhorse with flashing lights” animated GIF that I haven’t seen since just after I beat Streets of Rage 3. (Also, readers, go here if you want to play more than 850 Sega Genesis games online.  And in like 10 hours, when you’re done, thank Skeets.)
  • You have two pictures in your pics section of young men (who I’ll assume are you and your tytest bro) in front of outer-space backdrops.  Again, thanks to the magic of Babelfish and a healthy hunch, I’m going to assume that the captions are actually your streetball names: “The Rag” and “The Doctor Professor.”
  • Your jokes page. “Schmatz, hicks, tscha tscha tscha!” is the greatest punchline EVER.
  • Four people have signed your Guestbook (Gastebüch), and all of which want me to buy Viagra.

But mostly, I love your BASKETBALL LEGENDEN page, which honors all-time hardwood greats like Earl Boykins, Manute Bol, Derek Fisher and Steve Francis.  I can think of no better way to commemorate the legenden of years past than with two vertical rows of super tiny thumbnail images.

I also thought it was really thoughtful of you to recognize Lamar Odom’s legendary impact on American big men by using an old picture of Greg Oden instead of Odom’s own (and doing the same with Andre and Reggie Miller), showing your respect for Magic Johnson by using a picture of Michael Jordan dunking on near him (momentarily forgot that on means on) and reverentially posting the coolest Yao Ming photo ever.

You also correctly save the best for last, paying special homage to His Airness at the height of his powers and his most memorable:


Oh, Julian.  So pure of heart, such a font of joy … Your name should be Julian Liebe.


7 responses to “All now please bow before Julian Hass’ compendium of basketball legends

  1. This is clearly the best website ever created. And the basketball knowledge has just made me given up writing. I can never reach this level.

  2. Thank you, Devine. Just…thank you.

  3. I think it’s time for me to stop blogging right now.

  4. One month later…

    Since you are misguidedly convinced that I was once a goth kid, I have to tip my hat to you for the MM reference. Good work.

  5. Pingback: All Now Please Bow Before Julian Hass’ Compendium of Basketball … – consolidationloanservicesstudent

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