Yankees Considering Gag Orders; One Can Only Hope Clause Will Apply to Their Fans

/badoomcha, via wockawocka

yankee-gag-scale1

Wallace Matthews of Newsday reported last night that the New York Yankees — apparently cast in a somewhat unflattering light in an upcoming tell-all tell-some? tell-most? tell-dirty-dirty-portions-and-leave-out-boring-miscellania? book written by ousted manager Joe Torre and Sports Illustrated scribe Tom Verducci — are considering including a “non-disparagement clause” in any future contracts that the franchise signs with players and coaches.  From Matthews’ story:

The proposed clause is intended to ensure that future books about the Yankees are “positive in tone,” and “do not breach the sanctity of our clubhouse.”

I mean, I guess the Yankees typically do keep a pretty close eye on maintaining a classy brand (with some minor, stupid and in some cases flagrant/ridiculous exceptions), but even for an organization long lauded for its “professionalism,” “business-like approach to the game” and a whole bunch of other writerspeak for “consistent success/dickishness,” this seems way too stifling and soulless, as well as dumb and reactionary.  Oh.  Right.

Also, how great is it that Carl Pavano decided to weigh in on this?

“I am extremely disappointed that someone I had a lot of respect for would make these type of comments in his upcoming book,” Pavano said in a statement released to 1050 ESPN New York’s Andrew Marchand through Pavano’s agent, Tom O’Connell. “I wish nothing but the best for Joe Torre and my former Yankee teammates, but with that said it does explain why I haven’t received any Christmas cards from Joe the last few years.”

Here’s a competing theory: Maybe your mailbox wasn’t stuffed to the brim with cards from the skipper because your entire stint in pinstripes was stuffed to the brim with failure.  Maybe it was because you covered up injuries, you endeared yourself to no one and earned absolutely no protection from your teammates, Yankee management or the steadfastly, often maddeningly loyal Bronx fans, and you flat-out stole tens of millions of dollars in the process.  Or I guess it could be that Torre’s a scumbag.  Either/or, really.

EDITOR’S NOTE: By the way, the original headline for this post was “Yankees Considering Gag Orders; Mets Pre-Order Theirs to Arrive Sept. 1.”  Then I decided it would be more fun to slap Yankee fans than to self-flagellate.  Get fucked, close friends of mine who like a different baseball team than I do!
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3 responses to “Yankees Considering Gag Orders; One Can Only Hope Clause Will Apply to Their Fans

  1. I like both headlines, to be honest, but that’s because I’m a Mets fan surrounded by constant Yankees v. Red Sox squabbling. That, and that I’m a self-flagellating Mets fan (redundant, I know).

  2. “Maybe your mailbox wasn’t stuffed to the brim with cards from the skipper because your entire stint in pinstripes was stuffed to the brim with failure. ”

    That’s the best sentence I’ve read in a while. Clearly I should just read the City Line and stop giving the NYT my money.

  3. I wonder what the conversation was like between the producers of the radio show Pavano was on…..

    “Alright, we couldn’t get Tony Fossas for an interview, but we did track down Carl Pavano and Raul Mondesi.”

    “Ok…..didn’t Pavano bang that Alyssa Milano chick?”

    “Yeah”

    “Alright, him then”

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