Athlete Christmas Lists: Barry Cofield

(sotto voce)

um, hey santa. my name is barry. um. cofield. barry cofield.

how are you? i hope things are ok. because at christmas-time, things should be ok for you.

/laughs nervously, coughs, clears throat

sorry. um. i’m kinda nervous, like, talking to you. not that you’re mean or anything, no, uh, that’s not what i mean. it’s just, um, i get a little shy around celebrities. it happens a lot, i guess. like, um, when i met the real estate agent lady from the bus stop ads. i got real shy then.

even though she’s, um, on all these bus stops, she’s talking to me and holding my arm, just because i have a two-pound ring. i couldn’t believe it. it was so great.

i mean, not great like talking to you, though. um, you’re a different kind of great. oh, man.

/laughs nervously, coughs, clears throat

anyway. um. there’s really just one thing i want, if you don’t mind, santa — i mean, if it’s ok to ask you, um, sir. i know, uh, a lot of the guys are asking for expensive things or the hangover on dvd, or, um, even to try to kill you and stuff. but if you could get the guys to stop making fun of when people do cosplay, i’d like it. it’s nice to feel like someone else sometimes. less, um, scary.

like when you make your own aquaman costume and pretend like you’re the ruler of an underwater kingdom and you get to make all the decisions, and there’s no osi or strahan or justin or antonio or coach steve or coach tom or anyone else to tell me to just be quiet and push the pocket, barry, I’M NOT A MACHINE I’M A MAN AND SOMETIMES I’M BETTER THAN A MAN I’M AQUAMAN.

/laughs nervously, coughs, clears throat

um, that’d be nice, santa.

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2 responses to “Athlete Christmas Lists: Barry Cofield

  1. Very funny post, and great pic. I haven’t met a professional athlete in many years. I was in a hair salon/barber shop when Ty Law came in for a shape up. I didn’t know who he was until the guy doing my hair told me, then later that night I really looked him up online and thought that I should have gotten an autograph or picture or something. Oh well, missed opportunity.

  2. Doctor: I’ve seen many things, my friend, but you’re right: nothing quite as wonderful as the things you see.

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