Big Baby Got Handles, Dog.

NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM (Image courtesy of 2TheAdvocate.com)

The City Line certainly wishes Celtics reserve Glen “Big Baby” Davis a belated happy 23rd birthday — for those not in the know, the Large Tot is a New Year’s Kid, so he was blowing out candles as the rest of the world watched Dick Clark do what Dick Clark does, even though Dick Clark can’t do that anymore.  And dude had sustained a concussion in a car accident on the Mass. Pike on his way to the C’s Dec. 21 tilt against the Dominant Team Pringles — he was definitely in need of some R-and-R, not to mention a little pin-the-tail-on-the-HEY-O!

Before Baby rocked into the wee small hours, though, he was slated to appear at an afternoon birthday party in Boston’s Faneuil Hall.  Sadly, the gig was canceled due to inclement weather (read: the shit that made getting anywhere in this God-forsaken city a pain in the balls all night long and forced you to ring in 2K9 by drunkenly staggering through frigid slush banks).  Not so sadly, the press release promoting the appearance — and listing Davis’, um, position — still remains.  Phone numbers and event-planning plugs removed because, well, that’s not the point:

THIS WEDNESDAY. N.Y.’S EVE. FROM 4:45PM- 7PM. FANEUIL HALL MARKETPLACE. SOUTH MARKET. RAIN OR SHINE! (Ed. note: But not snow.)

BOSTON CELTICS POINT FORWARD (emph. mine) GLEN ‘BIG BABY’ DAVIS, DEFINITELY ON THE MEND, HOOPS IT UP WITH KIDS & CELEBRATES HIS 23RD BIRTHDAY (WHICH IS JAN. 1, 2009) WITH A GIGANTIC WHITE’S PASTRY CUSTOM-CREATED CELTICS-DECORATED CAKE!

Kill all that Starbury talk, son. The Celts have a backup floor general RIGHT UNDER THEIR NOSES, and they don’t even know it. I think the math works out like this: Big Baby at the point = (Lamar Odom + Anthony Mason + Tony Parker) / (Tony Delk – Zach Randolph).  That sound right to you?